Sunday, May 20, 2012

in retrospect i figured out that i wish that you are
my lover and teacher as well. as
a human being who is able to understand me (each other)
with explanation-s (marks) and
we are both able to use our abundance
to create a world together  with all our
skills and needs

i figured out in the last couple of month, from time to time
even more that i imagine you and me in a private space
doing our work within an adorable life
who everyone has the ability to talk with everyone.
thought that it would bring peace. but figured out
that there are so many fights over power and love
and mostly about relationship here.
that i decided to be a snail or a turtle
with a house on my bag that i can
back out when they are fighting to much.

the most complicated part about it
seams to be that when i change my personality
or character that i start to have habits
which make me unkind and let me act in a way
that i can hardly recognize myself anymore.
that is why i choose to life under water.

i figured out that i can hardly make friends here
on earth.
i tend to say that cause i do not spend much time
with humans as well as with animals.
it happened to me as a effect off
a relationship between relationship
and faith and love power.
that makes me unhappy and sometimes act
narrow-minded and unkind.
as well i figured out that it has to do
that she makes me a fighter i never

i started to argue, that is an effect
to show that i do not like myself.
and i act like i wouldn't be responsible
for what happened to me and others.

i am running around mostly confused.
there are so many things to do as 
always on earth. but i don't know why
they started to treat me like this.
unloved, social handicapped, and
that it seams to be that i never find love
with that type of belief over me.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

i figured out that politics has always to do with fighting and arguing
its like a family, where the children are playing with each other
but they like the game more than the ppl they are playing with
i will not talk anymore
it makes me listen loud music
brought me in situations in which i were not listen
to anybody cause i spent much time alone
i appreciate to be alone
but with you it would me much easier
mr. lennon

i experience that i can communicate with a different me
it is you
we seem to have our mind
during my writing i experience that i my thoughts connect
you and i with each other
i can speak
i don't like you say that it seams complicated
i feel that this make us seperated
i hate you, mars
als kind mochte ich es nicht, Sätze
hintereinander gleich mit einem I/Ich an zu fangen.
why do ppl/human thi. .
julian lennon

something is doing we don't no
what its aknowledge as a monster
i do like monster.

yours truly

Friday, December 23, 2011

ein stück von einem punschkrampfen genügt
schon, um mich als getriebene,
als ruhelose von da nach dort zu treiben.
alkohol ist ja so gar nicht von und nach meinem geschmack.
wieder zurück in wien von wo ich in die natur
gegangen war;
fand dort züge eines verstorbenen an einem
snob wieder, dessen digital uhr auf dem
rechten hand gelenk getragen, manchmal
nervös pipste, wenn er daran drückte.
seine züge waren schweigsam, seine
mimik beängstigend wandelnd.
doch immer eiseskalt.
eine packung chips ähnlicher dinge,
- welche pommes mit mayonaise waren oder so -
wurden mir entgegen, wie ein ball hin und her, geworfen.
danach einmal aggressiv in der ubahn
achtlos einfach zur seite geschleudert.
zum glück traf es niemanden.
zwei biere ottakringer wurden verschüttet,
kurzweilig daran genippt.
die bücher blieben unberührt fast vergessen
in dem thalia sackerl am boden. vergessen. auf dem einen
stand etwas von universum od. weltall und fahrrad oder
eher nicht mit dem fahrrad.
beide bücher dürften so um die 150 seiten haben.


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Die Details welche sich mir in den letzten Tagen oder gar Wochen
auftun zeigen/beweisen mir auf eine erstaunliche wie grausame Art
& Weise, wie der Tod eines/einer einzelnen/einzelnen verhindert oder gar
von statten gehen kann.
Die Bewusstwerdung dessen zeigt sich in der kleinen jedoch merklichen
Begebenheit meines Selbst. So verursachte oder vielleicht
auch 'nur' fügte sich ein Aspekt meiner Existenz in mein Leben so ein,
dass während meines zusammen Lebens mit P.B. (name bekannten/freunden bekannt) ein vorgelesner Artikel aus der Kronen-Zeitung über den
Tod eines Polizisten welcher sich selbst das Leben nahm, mich ungefähr
ein Jahr später in Villach auf einen gegenwärtigen Studienkollegen
M.F. (name bekannten/freunden bekannt) stoßen lies, dessen Freund
kurze Zeit vorher den Tod des eigenen Vaters welcher
Polizist gewesen war, zu beklagen hatte.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

found a really nice song from the books menschen
nick zammuto on there web-page:

no time for topologies

really love that song.

the part with 'free fall green horn' made me cry for 3-10 sec.
(its something my father would say, especially that part with the green horn)
because i felt touched by the composition and the lyrics at the same moment.

hope you as well enjoy this beautiful composition.

Friday, March 4, 2011

'das lied von der unzulänglichkeit'

Der Kampf um Gerechtigkeit
kann auch bedeuten Ungerecht zu sein.
So betrachte ich manche Überqualifiziertheit
einer McDonalds Service Angestellten
(jetzt kommt der falsche Stolz)
als Gemeinheit da ich einen Mangel einer solchen
auf der Akademie sehe.
Denn habe ich das Gelände der Akademie
noch gar nicht reichlich genug erkundet - kenne -
das gesamte Personal nicht, welches für diesen Bereich zuständig ist.
Das ich Aufgrund einer schlechten Aussage
mir wesentliches anzulernen verweigerte,
ist eine Dummheit gewesen, welche ich nicht
mehr begehen möchte.
Trotzdem werde ich manchmal schimpfen.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

i saw ppl die.
i were unable to cry.
as we were able to talk
it were to late
we lost a friend
for his own lie
of life and dead

confusion confusion
you sound
weired and dead
blind and broke
at the end of the road from hell
to earth 

now i cry and the reason for all
is that i fall
to the ground of the dead
where ppl start to smash
stones in to faces
cause they feel the basis
of rape and apathy
where my roots were buried
my lifes worry

i am falling falling falling
straigth to the ground
with the sound of speedlight
cause my temper is unable 
to regulate myself

i realize that rape 
made me to a raper
i realize that apathy 
is not good for me
cause i started to kill
kill kill kill
the flowers on the hill

where i once were standing
with the truth of handle
my troubles my pain
my doubt and my brain

physical abused
but the brain still in use
physical abused
the brain is used

for the truth to find
the dead of the blind
who smash stones into faces
on a regular basis
of dump and dead
where the ppl start to 
die in other men lie

my tongue is in doubel speach
carring a demon
of the never known darkness
life can be so hard
life can be so god damn hard
and i fight against it
like the blind fight the light
they dont see

my tongue is in double speach
i have to be carefull
i have to save my life
who can i talk to
who can i trust
the double speach is killing me
it disconnetes me from the body
the body i once felt in pain.

apathy apathy apathy
stop the apathy please apathy
you are killing me

confusion confusion
make the fusion of confusion
let life 
yourself in a good manner
come on come on come on
talk talk talk
not so much

this is hate that you carrying around
that is the sound of hate
you found it
how did that happen
in the silence where you were just looking
man die for other men lie

i hate myself for beeing a snail
a snail as a snake
a snake as a snail
cause i am a killer

i ve killed someone
i ve killed someone
and that tear me apart
let me call the police
i had nothing to do with

guilty guilty 
for the silence of night
where the man came and rape
your beautiful shape
so you fall down 
for the rest of your agony

stop please please stop
the war in your brain
it drives you insane
come on come on

talk talk
flick your head
your heart 
and your clothes
go down to your toes
you carrying weight
that is not yours

that makes the double speach
you try to understand to much
to much much 
of the more more more more more
thats enough
that is not youre game you are playing
you are playing a game that isnt yours

you stole it
you stole it
cause you lost a friend
you will never get back
cause he is gone dead
for other men lie
you never saw them cry
now you starting again
to search search search
the light you see
to much of the more
come down come down
we do not wanna let you die
come down please

double speach
tear apart
double speach
tear apart
double speach
tear it apart

for the good
for the light
for the mucho grande assholes
they have to die
for smashing stones
into faces on a regular basis