in retrospect i figured out that i wish that you are
my lover and teacher as well. as
a human being who is able to understand me (each other)
with explanation-s (marks) and
we are both able to use our abundance
to create a world together  with all our
skills and needs

i figured out in the last couple of month, from time to time
even more that i imagine you and me in a private space
doing our work within an adorable life
who everyone has the ability to talk with everyone.
thought that it would bring peace. but figured out
that there are so many fights over power and love
and mostly about relationship here.
that i decided to be a snail or a turtle
with a house on my bag that i can
back out when they are fighting to much.

the most complicated part about it
seams to be that when i change my personality
or character that i start to have habits
which make me unkind and let me act in a way
that i can hardly recognize myself anymore.
that is why i choose to life under water.

i figured out that i can hardly make friends here
on earth.
i tend to say that cause i do not spend much time
with humans as well as with animals.
it happened to me as a effect off
a relationship between relationship
and faith and love power.
that makes me unhappy and sometimes act
narrow-minded and unkind.
as well i figured out that it has to do
that she makes me a fighter i never
were.

i started to argue, that is an effect
to show that i do not like myself.
and i act like i wouldn't be responsible
for what happened to me and others.

i am running around mostly confused.

there are so many things to do as 

always on earth. but i don't know why

they started to treat me like this.

unloved, social handicapped, and

that it seams to be that i never find love

with that type of belief over me.